EDITOR’S NOTE: A good friend forwarded to us the two comical pieces below, “Drafting Guys Over 70” and “A Little History”… We can laugh all we want – but in the end these stories have a lot of truth in them…
DRAFTING GUYS OVER 70….
I am over 80 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 55.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured, we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50… in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol They’ll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior friends… it’s in big type so they can read it….
A LITTLE HISTORY
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”She saw a sea of blank faces, except for little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,”he said.“Very good” Who said: ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing. “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”
Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”She heard a loud whisper: “F___ the Japs.”“Who said that? I want to know right now!” …she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.“The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now who said that?”Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit! If you say anything else, I’ll kill you!”
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re screwed!”
Little Akio said quietly, “The American public if Joe Biden gets elected.”